What to say & What not to say

What to Say to Parents Who Have Lost a Baby

• I am sorry about the loss of your baby.

• I know how much you wanted and loved your baby.

• I love you and will be here to listen when you need me to.

• It is okay to cry, be angry, be depressed – those are normal emotions to an abnormal

  situation.

• I am cooking dinner for you tonight.

• Can I take your other children to the park? The movies? To church?

• Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself time to grieve. You deserve it after such a tragic loss.

• How are you REALLY doing since your child died? I care and want to know and be there for you.

It is usually meaningful to the parents when you use their baby’s name and remember the special dates (birth, due date, anniversary of the death).

What Not to Say to Parents Who Have Lost a Baby

• S/he is better off in heaven.

• It is God’s will; you just need to accept it.

• It was for the best.

• You should just be thankful for the children you already have.

• You can always try again.

• You are young and can have plenty more children.

• There must have been something wrong with your baby.

• I know someone who had 5 losses, then had a live baby.

• At least you did not have time to get attached.

• I know how you feel, once I lost a dog.

• God knows best or He needed another angel in heaven.

• Everything happens for a reason.

• Aren’t you over this yet?

• Your baby would not want you to be sad.

Do not avoid parents who have lost a baby, but understand if they turn down invitations for a while. Continue to reach out to them without judging their shifting moods.