Unanswerable Questions

Many of us go through life thinking we have some control over what happens to us. We think that if we live a good life, that good things will happen to us. But when you lose a baby, you realize how little control you really have over what happens in your life.

The death of a baby often brings to mind many questions: “Why?”, “Why my baby?”, “Did I do something wrong?” These questions often play over and over in your mind like a bad video. Unfortunately, many of these cannot be answered. Sometimes there is just not an explanation of what happened to cause your baby to die. Even if you know the medical reason why your baby died, it still doesn’t bring peace or explain how your child had a medical problem in the first place.

At some point you will be able to reach a place of accepting that there is not an answer to many of your questions surrounding the loss of your baby. In time, it will be easier to remember the time you had with your baby - whether it was a few short weeks, months, or a few days - and know that you did everything you could to take care of your baby. There wasn’t anything you could have done differently or that you should have done. You did everything that you knew how to do for your baby, and your baby knows how much he or she is loved.

Find ways to remember your baby - journaling, scrapbooking, collecting something in memory, giving to a hospital or birthing center - are just some of the ways you can remember your baby and include your baby in your family life. By doing this, you can find ways to create meaning and bring some peace to your life.