Bernadette’s Story

My son Emile was conceived unexpectedly in late April of 1995. Michael and I had been married over 2 years and we had just purchased our first house in Keller, TX. Michael traveled a lot for work and I was visiting him when we both realized I could be pregnant. We took the test, both confirmed the pregnancy and were both shocked, overjoyed and worried about the timing. I had just started a new job in banking and we had just bought our first house. Michael was traveling a lot with his job. I was worried about all the material things surrounding this pregnancy like money and career instead of realizing the miracle of new life. I did remember on my flight home to pray about all of my concerns and I asked God to bless this new life within me.

Six weeks later right before my first Dr.’s appointment, I began bleeding at work. I have never been so scared in my life. I called my Dr. but he suggested I just stay in bed and wait until my appointment the following day. At my Dr.’s appointment, he confirmed that I was miscarrying and that I should just go home, stay in bed, and my body would take care of the rest. A week went by and I never realized when I passed the fetus. I just felt numb and guilty. I didn’t have any family in Texas and my family in Louisiana didn’t think they should bring it up. I know they didn’t want to hurt me but it was like Emile’s life was never acknowledged.

I wondered if his passing was because of all of my past sins. Or because I did not acknowledge God’s timing versus my timing. I felt guilty for not realizing I could have found the fetus in the blood and buried it properly. I wondered if my child would be in heaven since his soul had not been baptized. Questions and guilt plagued me. God did bless my 3 years later with a son and 3 years after that with a beautiful daughter.

Years later I was discussing purgatory with a mentor and wondered about my unborn child. I also wondered about my parents being in heaven since they had died when I was a teenager. I was told to ask God to let me know they were in heaven. Weeks went by then one day when I was in Adoration, I felt the still small voice in my soul say “They are with me!” I have never felt so much joy, wonder and gratitude. God in his goodness and mercy choose to receive the soul of my unborn child.

My prayer now is for our family to be reunited in heaven with Emile someday.